Author: Angela Michelle Graham

Well that was an exciting four days!!! Thanks to all those that came and supported our little family, as well as the council for allowing us to use such a diverse and interesting space, but mostly thank god it’s over.

Although having explored new ways of reacting to space that I would never have expected, and finding myself trapped within the web of life, I feel as if I am free from the mad house. I would not mind popping back for tea with the white rabbit or cheeky chat in the bathroom with Jozey, but after how me and the cot room left it I do not feel as if I would enjoy going back there.  Marina Abramovic states her works were based on discrepancies in perception: “You hear something but you see something else” (( Biesenbach, K. 2010, Marina Abramović. New York: Museum of Modern Art, p.14.)) and I feel I achieved this with sharp angular lines of wool countered by my softly spoken poem by Nicole Brossard. I have taken a lot of inspiration for my piece from Marina Abramovic, which may sound unlikely as many of her pieces include a lack of concern for the safety of herself, but the level of focus she demonstrates in pieces such as The Artist is Present in which she sat perfectly still in The Museum of Modern Art in New York from open to close, can be compared to my (although considerably shorter) focus with which I trace the wool.

In retrospect if I had not had the limitations of not being able to change the room’s cosmetics and having a budget I would have removed the carpet (as I am now sporting some lovely  carpet burns) as it ruined the silence and quiet of the room. I would also have not been performing at the same time as the kitchen group because of how well sound carried through the walls. Although Libby is a beautiful singer, hearing her sing One Direction whilst I was slowly tracing the threads and whispering was not the best thing that could have happened. Albeit I managed to change the rooms aesthetic by creating my web and setting lights that projected the shadows of me and the threads across the far wall by the door. I feel the shadows gave the piece a more transcendent feel  and as Edward Gordon Craig states “The masking effect of shadows… were designed to raise the action to this elemental but abstract plane” ((Innes, C. 1998, Edward Gordon Craig. Amsterdam, The Netherlands: Harwood Academic Publishers, p.93.)) if I could have I would have put these lights on the other side of the room to project the shadows against the cot and the wall behind it but due to limitations of space I could not.

I feel the house worked well with people being separated and reunited throughout the piece and every room having a different feel with one audience member commenting that “each room had its own smell” . I feel that each room allowed the audience member to take something different from it another audience member  commented she “enjoyed the diverse nature of the rooms, and how each room had a different feeling and emotion. Leaving me feeling drained as I left the safe house to return home” This fills me with confidence that our group managed to achieve something unique, individual and the likes Lincoln has never seen before. I hope we left all those that came to watch wanting more.

Within a child’s room safety is a key aspect, from the basic necessity of child proofing to protecting them from judgement, this can be seen by the common saying “a face only a mother can love”. Protection can come by trying to shield a child from the world or simply by helping them prepare such as for girls allowing them to play (practice) with make-up so as they understand the world they are going to grow up in. We also prepare them using the tools at are fingertips from books to films and TV allowing that to assist in teaching children what the world is like.

Childhood is all about “ways of moving into something different” ((Certeau, M. D. (1988). The practice of everyday life. Berkeley, University of California Press.)) from child to adult, boy to man, girl to woman and as I discussed in my previous blog this is manipulated by those around us from family to the media.  With the books we read our children at night telling them how prince charming will save the day, “Awareness of the fairy tale as a primary site for asserting and subverting ideologies of gender is evident throughout the genre’s history” ((Haase, D. (2004). Fairy tales and feminism: new approaches. Detroit, Wayne State University Press.)) with everyone from little red riding hood needing the wood cutter to save her from the wolf to sleeping beauty having to wait asleep for a man to simply kiss her and save her kingdom. This is also evident in many children’s films most modelled off these stories, with the women being unable to accomplish anything on their own needing a man to help them.

Nicole Brossard a poet, novelist, essayist and feminist states that “feminism would help us reclaim our stolen humanity” ((Brossard, N., & Forsyth, L. (2005). Nicole Brossard: essays on her works. Toronto, Guernica.)) You may believe this simply relates to actions from centuries ago when men sold women like cattle, but in fact relates to a modern notion that every woman needs a man that is perpetuated by films, in which even the strongest most independent women fail until they have a man by their side. But I am getting off topic, amongst Nicole Brossard’s works was a poem originally in French but translated into English “Typhon Dru” ((Brossard, N., & Bergvall, C. (1997). Typhon dru. London, Reality Street Editions.)) which are essentially very feminine poems, filled with beautiful descriptions “glides joy ribbon” ((Brossard, N., & Bergvall, C. (1997). Typhon dru. London, Reality Street Editions.)) I will be removing any mention of “Typhon Dru” ((Brossard, N., & Bergvall, C. (1997). Typhon dru. London, Reality Street Editions.)) as it makes it less accessible to an audience by giving it specific point of reference. The stanzas are also quite chaotic not quite following an obvious logical narrative as life itself often doesn’t.

I will use this aspect of the poem not necessarily in the order it was written but as I feel it befits the wool I am following at that moment. This will make the poem personal to me and those that choose to view my performance, it will give each audience member a different experience of my room. As while I am wholly concentrating on what I am doing they will be interpreting it in a way that is unique to them. This makes me curious as to whether there is way to have each audience member’s reaction to rooms as an individual kept and stored? Or if they will simply feel what we want them to? Is there a way to discover if they have understood what we were trying to create?

Freud discusses the “yield of pleasure involved” ((Freud, S (1991) On Metapsychology. London: Penguin. p, 283.)) in play. He looks past the fun factor and into the reasons that we play. In his example he looks into a young boy who has invented a game in which he throws his toys away in the hope that they will be returned, he also chucked a wooden reel with string tied around it out of his cot and then pulled it back in. Freud had decided this was due to his “instinctual renunciation … which he had made in allowing his mother to go away without protesting” ((Freud, S (1991) On Metapsychology. London: Penguin. p, 285.)). I am myself playing with the idea of looking into to how play is preparing us for when we grow up, specifically girls becoming women.

This is very obvious when we look at children’s toys, such as in the Argos catalogue in the girls toy section you will find dolls and pretend kitchens,

dolls and pretend kitchens, “Chad Valley Pretend Play Electronic mini Kitchen” ((Argos.co.uk (2013) Buy Chad Valley Pretend Play Electronic Mini Kitchen at Argos.co.uk – Your Online Shop for Toys under 10 pounds, Cooking role play, 2 for 15 pounds on Toys.. [online] Available at: http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/9059430.htm [Accessed: 2 Mar 2013].)) where as in the boys section you will find cars, and toy work benches, “JCB Pack Away Workbench” ((Argos.co.uk (n.d.) Buy JCB Pack Away Workbench at Argos.co.uk – Your Online Shop for Building role play.. [online] Available at: http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/3888559.htm [Accessed: 2 Mar 2013].)). This shows how even from a young age we are pushed to be a specific type of person, girls to become women with strong maternal instincts and to be the cleaner and cook for a male hunter gatherer type, and boys pushed to be masculine and provide for women. Even with the feminist movement beginning in the mid 18^th century and still going strong now, gender stereotypes are still common today.

There is a pressure on women to want children and a husband, it is expected for a woman to put her career on hold and raise a family; less than a century ago most women didn’t have jobs but were simply home and baby makers. Many men believe that the perfect woman will be waiting at the door with a sandwich and in sexy underwear. This ideal is perpetuated by the continuation to believe that girls should be dressed in pink and have toy vacuums, were as boys should be running around fields in mud and wrestling. Dorothy Allison states “Class, race, sexuality, gender-and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other- need to be excavated from the inside” ((Eagly, A. and Beall, A., et al. 2004, The Psychology of gender. New York (N.Y.) [etc.]: Guilford Press, p.1.)) It is becoming more and more acceptable for girls to join in typical boyish activities and boys to do girly activities. Although this has created a new genre of gender, such as a girl that enjoys sports rather than playing princess’s is a tomboy, and boys that enjoy playing with dolls rather than climbing trees are camp these terms which are regularly used in derogative manner between children.

I remember my parents not pushing me to be a feminine girl and I became a tom boy there’s no issue with that and in primary school people were very accepting of this. I mainly had male friends and when I started secondary school this became an issue with other girls they began to suggest to people that I was a slag and this was a turning point for me. I began to make more of an effort to be friends with girls and become more girly, I started wearing make-up and dresses and skirts. This was me acting to fit in and eventually it’s just became natural and a part of who I am.  

In Kira O’Reilly’s “Cut Piece” she asked the audience to cut her with a scalpel, and those that refused would then put plasters on cuts created by other audience members. This gives the audience the feel of creating something themselves as well as them leaving their mark. She used this in a durational way that built a bank of cuts and plasters all over her body, leaving physical evidence that she had performed. I’m looking to use myself as a canvas in a durational way, as Tracey Warr looks at a “significant shift in artists’ perceptions of the body, which has been used not simply as the ‘content’ of the work, but also as canvas, brush, frame and platform.” ((Warr, T., & Jones, A. (2000). The artist’s body. London, Phaidon. p, 11.)).. I am going to combine both the child and adult. I will create this by using both children’s make-up (that cheap sticky cream stuff) and my own make-up, only applying the children’s make-up with my left hand (non-writing hand) and the adult’s make-up with my right hand. This will hopefully create the affect of a child playing dress-up, rather than an adult pretending to be a child. I will apply the make-up to a specific side of my face and build on it throughout the 4 hours. I will offer to do the make-up of the audience and if they refuse will allow them to apply make-up on me.

I am hoping the audience will leave with the sense of creating something and leaving something behind for others to find. Can we create this sense elsewhere as I know other groups are giving things to their audience? But what can we allow them to leave as there are obvious limitations such as graffiti, but can we create a guest book like you would find in hotel for them leave a message in for others to find?

 

My initial reaction to the cot room was that it was creepy, purely due to my prior knowledge of the use of the space. The room doesn’t have heating, the wall papers peeling and there is only a cot inside, not forgetting the mould, I fear for my health. How long does it take for black mould to kill you?

The thought of anyone, let alone a child, being expected to live in this space (I wouldn’t call it a bedroom) is despicable. This led me to thinking about how our bedrooms are our sanctuary as Heathcote dictates “of all the rooms in our house, it remains the most intimate, the most private and the most precious” ((Heathcote, Edwin. (2012). The meaning of home. London, Frances Lincoln Ltd.)) but when we’re children this isn’t true as our parents come and go as they please, they choose the furniture, and they choose what’s no longer wanted. The room isn’t the child’s, but what the parent decides it’s going to be, pink for a girl, blue for a boy, dinosaurs, princesses or spaceships, most of this is chosen before the child is even born, so how can they call it their own?

I was lead to consider how a child makes their own spaces, yes, that’s right I made my own den in the cot room. I began by simply lying beneath the cot but it felt too exposed I felt more trapped than hidden, almost imprisoned which linked well with the houses purpose. But not the sense I was aiming for so I decided to hide more thoroughly (well if I was a child I’d believe I was better hidden) I achieved this by putting a bed sheet over the crib and shimmying, not very elegantly, back underneath and all of a sudden it was a different atmosphere as if I couldn’t see out they couldn’t see in. I felt shielded protected and with just my feet poking out,

hidden as if I had gathered some power from this place which I had created. I remember having that same feeling when I was young after putting four chairs into a square and stealing the bedding off of my parent’s bed to cover it.  They don’t know if your there or if you’ve left this den for them to discover as people realised when entering the cot room, as I managed to pull my feet under the crib with me (which was surprisingly comfortable), people were then unsure as to whether I had left or not. I let them know by grabbing their ankles, muhahahahaha; Conan was wise and asked from the door if I was still within my room.

After my return to the real world from my den I looked back on my initial feelings of being trapped within the cot and based on its and the rooms aesthetics it made me think of prison. It made me think of how people within their cells try to claim it as their own, even though it very much isn’t, this can be linked to children and when they make dens. I also thought children and prisoners linked through the fact they are both trapped. A child in the sense this is their family and they are to remain with them till they are old enough to look after themselves (except in extreme circumstances). However for prisoners it is a form of punishment in order to act as a deterrent for future bad behaviour, but after reading John Podmore’s “Out of sight, out of mind Why Britain’s prisons are failing.” ((Podmore, J. (2012) Out of sight, out of mind Why Britain’s prisons are failing. London: Biteback Publishing Ltd.))

After reading this I realised this isn’t always the case and that some criminals become complacent in prison, even continuing their illicit activities from behind bars, their complacency however is similar to that of most abused and neglected children. These children don’t accept what is happening is wrong and put their heads down and do their “time” without complaint, even twisted into believing they deserve it. And I wonder could we force are audience to feel trapped? Force them into thinking if their quiet and do as their told they’ll leave without any harm done to them? Put them in a place of stress forcing them out of their comfort zones and into the mode of what the house is used for, pretending to be a house of neglect and abuse?

Coming to uni never seemed like that big a deal to me just another step in life. To be halved moved out with the option to go home whenever I want for however long I want. I was lucky enough to find a kindred spirit here at university and she had the room next to me, it meant I instantly had someone who had the exact personality of my friends back in Wakefield (although with a weird accent), and to top it off one of my friends from Wakefield ended up coming here which meant it never felt like id actually left. Even now I’m happy to call Lincoln my home, but its different from my house in Wakefield as when I lived there (before university) it was my home but when I think of it now home is my bedroom in Wakefield rather than the whole house it’s just that one room, in comparison to my house in Lincoln as the whole place is home. It even goes back to the house I lived in for the first 3 years of my life obviously I don’t have a mountain of memories I have videos and pictures but my only true memory of that house is sitting in front of the fire on a snowy day with my friend. That to me has left the impression of only that room being home I could tell you the colour of the sofas the wall paper , the rug and carpet on that day but any other details of any other room and I draw a blank. I guess it falls down to possession for me not the material things (although nowhere is home without my teddy) but my ability to feel possession for the place, be that simply with memories as with my first home, things and memories as with my second home or literally being the one that pays for the place as with my current home here in Lincoln (but I’m quickly getting more memories and things than I thought possible). So I guess what I’m saying is home is where you make it not where your memories are as you can have them from anywhere such as park benches, or people as my family will always be my family but I think I’ve outgrown my home being the same as theirs.